blog goals

So I told y'all the story of how I turned myself into a runner, and I wrote a whole post about my decision to start writing again, mainly this blog, but what I haven't put into words exactly is my vision for this whole blog thing. My goals.

First rule of blog club: Know your why.

Second rule of blog club: Know your WHAT.

Third rule of blog club: Go get some more coffee.

I know my why. To write again, because writing is part of me. Check. I drop it, then pick it up again, then drop it, but writing and me? We're a thing. Always have been. Always will be. And also, at my Grandma's funeral, after I got done speaking, a favorite woman in our family came up to me, held my cheeks in her hands, and whispered, "You, dear, are a writer." Those words I will forever carry in my heart.

My what, however, is a bit trickier to pin down. Like Paul Simon sings, "I'm on my way. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way." I have some ideas swirling in my brain, stuff I might love to write one day...children's books or children's books for grown-ups or re-telling of fairy tales or any kind of story that would feature my doodles...but in the meanwhile, for THIS blog, I think I'll keep my goals simple: Write what you know. Write what you love.

Things like:

*magic (the kind of magic that is all around us every day, if we just look for it)

*doing hard things (setting a goal, chasing it down, reaching it, setting another goal)

*Survivor (watching, daydreaming about being a castaway, training for that day)

*family and friends (that includes our doggies, anybody else's dogs really)

*writing and reading and anything to do with words and their inherent magic

*drawing silly doodles (they're everywhere, they're everywhere!)

*running (i'm sorta obsessed!)

*nature in all her glory, the woods, the trees, the trails

*aging powerfully

These are my passions. These are my hobbies. These are the things that l love.

But what if nobody cares about my thoughts? Or my doodles?

What if nobody ever reads this?

What if I write these blog posts and they just sit there, mocking me, out there in the void like Meg Ryan says in You've Got Mail? What if no one cares even a little bit about any of my thoughts?

Or what if nobody gets me? What if people think all my doodles and writings are silly? I mean, I love all this, I think I'm a pretty okay writer, and I'm in love with my doodles, I think they're fun and silly and magical, but what if nobody else thinks so?

When I started drawing my little doodles, my brother said, "that looks like a

5-year-old drew it!" and he was right! AND, that was just the look I was going for! When I started running trails, all kinds of people warned me it'd be hard, scary even, but I loved it. I'm so happy I kept going, with both. Maybe I should remember that as I get into this blog adventure?

Listen, we are all so magical. We come into this world in the most miraculous way, play as children with our imaginary friends and ride invisible dragons and talk to the fairies in our gardens that obviously live there. Then we grow up and out of it. We're taught to rein it all in, whoa there, calm down, sit down, be quiet, be still, play small. Doubt ourselves.

I don't remember wanting to ever play small. I don't remember deciding it was time to start doubting myself. I don't recall my parents setting about teaching me to put my magic in a box either, to hide my light under a bushel. But still I grew up. I DO recall trying my best to instill big thinking in my own children and to not squash their little magical souls, but I'm sure I still did sometimes. I really couldn't help it. Cause this is the world we live in, the society we built, the rules we follow even though we had hardly, if any, hand in setting them up. My children are older now, all grown up it seems, and me with them. They're off on their new adventures with hopefully the remnants of the magic I didn't squash out of them that they can now weave into their own magic carpets.

As for me, I turned 57 this year. I can hear the tick-tock of the crocodile and I wonder if I have any Peter Pan left in me? Can I still fly? I totally still believe, I do, I believe in fairies and pixie dust and in six impossible things before breakfast. But life happens. We learn to be quiet instead of loud, to smile politely and walk away instead of raging against the machine, to roll over, to fetch, instead of running with the wolves and howling at the moon. We then look up one day and wonder where it all went.

And we grieve for all the time wasted not pushing limits and chasing rainbows and taking leaps. This right here, this is what led me to start running at 52. That's what made me post my little doodles even though they were silly.

And this is why I am writing THIS blog, even though I have started and stopped a million other blogs, a million other times. This, right here, right now, is me standing in a Wonder Woman pose and saying out loud all the magical things I want to do and say and be.

I don't wanna waste one single second. Ever again. I want to run all the miles. Get lost in the woods. Cross finish lines totally give out but grinning from ear to ear. Pet all the dogs. Love my friends and family hard. Write all the words. Doodle on anything that will sit still long enough. Stop playing small and send in that Survivor audition video already! Get better and stronger and sillier and wiser with age. Be the Benjamin-est Button there ever was! Cast all the spells, dream all the dreams and jot them down for ideas to do tomorrow. Spend more time outside than inside, talk to trees then listen to their replies, plant and watch grow all the things.

I will never play small, fit in, sit down, be quiet again. I am Sunny, hear me roar (in this case, blog). Goals, you ask? Oh yeah, how this whole rant of a post got started. The tagline I came up with: Thoughts and Doodles from the trails.

Because the woods are my happy place. And the trails are where I go to run, and to think, to wish, to dream. And to be inspired.

Maybe you're like me, and you're just figuring out how to put all your passions and hobbies together? Or maybe you already know your trail? If you have found your way here, I hope you find something, anything, that inspires you.

And if you're not here, if no one ever even reads this blog, I'll still have put it out there, into the Universe, like Meg Ryan writing to the dear void in You've Got Mail. Hello, dear void. Nice to meet you. I'm Sunny. Let's talk.

Either way,

I can't WAIT to see what happens next!